What Oils, Fine Tunes, Calibrates and Aligns My Gears

By Michael Haas

Anyone can make a list of shit that pisses one off. But sometimes, like Bres, you must choose life. Ron Gardenhire once said, "You can't focus on all that negative stuff, you'll beat yourself up."

Anyone can list fairly broad and ambiguous things that make them happy. It's easy to just list non-specific stuff like "the crack of the bat", "a good book" or "oxycontin;" but I wanted to do something a little more fun, listing things that bring a smile to my face just thinking about. So here it goes. Geez my face hurts already.


* KISS's Lick It Up music video

* When my friend Wuters used to say in that cheesy Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous guys voice "It's good to be...Ashton Kutcher"

* Seeing a girls relationship status change from "in a relationship" to "single"
(even if I have no intention of even talking to the girl)

* Hollering "YEEEEE-HAAAWW" during almost any country song

* Sometimes my friend Troy does this dance-thingy. It's a bit obscene, but it usually makes me laugh uncontrollably.

* When theres room to spread out at the Dome (an empty seat all around you) and a Twins lead, a beer in one hand and a dog in the other, while talking to friends

* When I call my friend Jenna or my friend Melissa and I ask them "how are you?" they always say "good, you?" in a sorta Minnesotan accent. They never say "and you?" or "pretty good how are you?" they just say "you?" hahahaha. I'll call them on speakerphone sometime for you.

* How my friend Josh E. always answers his phone with a friendly"hello." He has caller ID so he never has to say it like "hello??" He usually emphasizes the HEL and lets the last syllable fall in.
This is in contrast to my friend Lara. This is how the beginning of our phone conversation usually goes.

Lara (sounding really confused): Hello?
Haas: Lara?
Lara (sounding confused): Yeaaah?
Haas: This is Haas
Lara: Hi

* I love making that jump in Mario 1, world 8, level 1. The level seems so easy, but you always know that's coming. It used to psych me out, especially when the music started going faster.

* Listening to Johan talk about how well he pitched. Hell, he could talk about the Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act and I'd be enthralled.

* Driving home from work. Even when I had to drive from St. Paul to Minneapolis on 94 during rush hour, it didnt seem so bad. I just zoned out and enjoyed being done with work. Now my drive home consists of cows, woods, cornfields and empty winding roads. I'm very lucky.

* That song that happens to be awesome this week. You know the one, the one that's stuck in your head, and you think it's the best song ever and it makes you happy for the week. That song for me this week is Depeche Mode's Policy of Truth

* Jack Handey quotations

* When you get off your bike and you're like, all tired, but it's a good kind of tired, because you're glad to be where you are and you're glad you biked there. I'd imagine this goes for most physical activity - the release of endorphines, the sweat and the high heart rate - it feels pretty good. I've just never really messed around with that stuff.

* A really great, uplifting blog post. The kind that cure poverty and AIDS and create peace and harmony throughout the world. Cross your fingers.