In "Gunna-git-ya" news

Bears will kill you. They have big claws and teeth. Killing machines is what they are. They're gunna-git-ya.

The bad news is: They have become even more mangy. Witness:

It's LITERALLY gunna git ya, you guys!!!!!!!

Comparing Brian Buscher and David Ortiz

After the 2002 season, the Twins decided to release a 27-year-old designated hitter named David Ortiz. The loss of an oft-injured, positionless power hitter didn't seem to faze the Twins faithful at the time. The conventional wisdom was that 26-year-old catcher/dh Matthew LeCroy had a more potential for half the price.

When Ortiz started getting regular at-bats for the Red Sox in 2003, he started mashing the ball, finishing with 31 bombs and a .961 ops. The Twins had a fine squad that season, but fans couldn't help but wonder why he hadn't performed that well in Minnesota.

Here's what Sports Illustrated wrote about his success in Boston:

Ortiz had felt stifled in Minnesota, an organization that so emphasizes situa­tional hitting that no Twin has hit 30 home runs in a season since 1987. The 6'4" Ortiz was the square peg who ­didn’t fit in the round hole. “They wanted me to stay inside the ball,” Ortiz says, referring to a style in which a lefthanded hitter tries to hit inside pitches to leftfield. “They were teaching that to everyone. That’s why nobody ever hits home runs there. But when you’re young in the big leagues and the coach tells you to do something and you don’t do it and you get negative results, then you’re f-----. They’re going to sit you down.”

The Twins, Ortiz says, so enthusiastically stressed small-ball tactics such as hitting behind runners that “if you moved the runner over from second base [with a groundout], you got high fives in the dugout like you just hit a home run.”

In his first at bat with the Red Sox, while batting cleanup in a spring training game, Ortiz happened to come up with a runner on second base and no outs. “I came in with that little pull, cheap-shot s---,” said Ortiz, explaining his grounder to second base on an outside sinker. “I still had the Minnesota Twins in my system.”

This time there were no high fives waiting for him in the dugout, just manager Grady
Little with a word of advice. “Hey,” Little said. “Next time? Bring him in.”

Ortiz smiles at the memory. “I was like, O.K.!” he says. “I had a little more freedom than what I was used to.”

Twins fans were found themselves in an awkward position. Many tried to explain, "I knew we shouldn't have got rid of that guy." They were mad at Terry Ryan and the Twins, but they didn't even think much of it when it happened - which made them willing accomplices.

Fast forward to November 3rd, 2009

The Minnesota Twins have moved third baseman Brian Buscher off their 40-man roster and assigned him to Triple-A Rochester. The move was made Tuesday. Buscher will become a minor league free agent 16 days after the end of the World Series.

Imagine you are running a baseball team and have to choose between the following players (I've always wanted to do the anonymous stat line compare thing)


I'd say it's pretty much a wash. Besides that Player B is younger, gets on base more often, and hits for more power.

Player B is David Ortiz, and player A is Brian Buscher. (highlight for the answer)

So the numbers seem to back up Billy Smith's decision. But just because Ortiz was less deserving than Buscher of the axe, doesn't mean that Buscher deserves the axe. Remember what David said about the Twins philosophy of hitting?

“They wanted me to stay inside the ball, they were teaching that to everyone. That’s why nobody ever hits home runs there."

After hitting 20 homers for the Twins in 2002, Ortiz hit 31, 41, and 47 in successive seasons, before topping out with 54 in 2006.

Buscher has been hampered by the same Twins anti-power system. When Buscher more than doubles his home run output in a few years, I'll be the only one saying, "I told you so."

I don't consider Tim McCarver a great baseball analyst

I know a lot of people really like FOX baseball announcer Tim McCarver, but he's not on the top of my list. I guess it's just a personal thing. I understand that he was a great ballplayer and he's since become an institution of October baseball - this is his 19th straight World Series. The general consensus among baseball fans is that listening to Tim McCarver is a joy and his voice is synonymous with the World Series. They're always saying things like, "Oh, that Tim McCarver, he's a class act. And when paired with that boy Joe Buck, they make a heckuva team, a heckuva team."

I understand the Joe Buck thing - he can be funny while staying objective. But not McCarver. The problem is that he never explains anything. He always just assumes the viewers understand things like Game 7's being must-wins, and the intricacies of Derek Jeter's greatness. And he's always goofing around, as if he doesn't understand that the baseball game is The Most Important Thing In The World. He's goofing around so much that he never offers opinions on mangerial moves or player performances. I mean, baseball is supposed to elicit strong feelings, yet I never hear McCarver praise Derek Jeter or chastise Manny Ramirez.

Maybe I'm not qualified to critique a broadcaster - I've never been involved with any part of the profession. And I'm not an expert at using insanely nonsensical metaphors, so I shouldn't expect McCarver to use them. But still, I feel pretty good about being the first blogger to ever describe these negative feelings toward Tim McCarver.

Chamionship Walk-Offs

The pinnacle of baseball is winning the World Series. To win it suddenly and dramatically, in front of the home town fans is really something special.

But not so much for the other team. Relatively recently, both the Phillies and Yankees have both been on the losing end of a World Series clinching walk-off. They're feeling pretty good right now, so let's remind them of their epic failures, and the other rare walk-off wins.

2001- Arizona vs. New York - Game 7

The Yankees were trying to heal New York and save America from the terrorists by winning their fourth championship in a row. Except Mariano Rivera, who isn't American. The Yankees were leading 2-1 in the bottom of the ninth, until Rivera gives up three hits, hits a batter and airmails one into centerfield. Luis Gonzalez wins it for Randy Johnson and the Diamondbacks. The Yankees haven't won the World Series since.


1997 - Florida vs. Cleveland - Game 7

The Indians were three outs away from their first title since 1948 when they brought in closer Jose Mesa. He promptly gave up a single to Moises Alou, who later came around on Craig Counsell sac fly, tying the game and sending it to extra innings. In the 11th, Edgar Renteria hit a two-out single up the middle to score Counsell, and the Marlins won. Later, Cleveland shortstop Omar Vizquel called Mesa a choker, and when he looked into his eyes in the ninth inning, Vizquel saw, "nothing." Mesa would go on to drill Vizquel every time he faced him for the rest of his career.


1993 - Philadelphia vs. Toronto - Game 6

The Blue Jays had the Phillies on the ropes, leading the series 3-2 and the game 5-1, in the 6th inning. The Phillies came back with five runs in the seventh, and sent their closer, Mitch Williams to the hill to preserve the one run lead and force a game 7. Joe Carter then smacked a one-out, three-run homer to win it. This event was widely recognized as the point where players, and in turn, all of main-stream America, ceased to sport the mullet.




1991 - Minnesota vs. Atlanta - Game 7

The bat that broke put Dan Gladden on second base with no outs in the bottom of the 10th. Knoblauch sacrifice, intentional walks to Puckett and Hrbek. Cue pinch hitter Gene Larkin. We all know this one. Good job, Jack Morris. Best World Series ever.

1960 - Pittsburgh vs New York - Game 7

After a long back and fourth battle, light-hitting shortstop Bill Mazeroski ends it with a solo shot in the bottom of the 9th. Since it was against the Yankees and not for them, baseball widely forgets it.

1953 - New York vs. Brooklyn - Game 6

The Dodgers escaped elimination by tying the game in the top on the 9th at 3-3. After a lead-off walk in the bottom of the inning, Mickey Mantle hits an infield single (this was 1953) and Billy Martin ends it with a base hit. Sorry Dodgers, but there's always the year after next.

1935 - Detroit vs. Chicago - Game 6

The Cubs lost! What a shock! After Mickey Cochrane scored the winning run, the Tigers probably politely shook hands and went their separate ways.

1929 - Philedelphia A's vs. Chicago - Game 5

The Cubs lose again. This walk-off wasn't particularly exciting, since the Cubs would have lost eventually anyway. Connie Mack wins.

1924 - Minnesota Twins (then called the Washington Senators) vs. New York Giants - Game 7

Tied in the 12th inning with the bases loaded, a sharp ground ball takes a bad hop and Washington D.C. wins it's only title. When the franchise moved to Bloomington in 1961, the good people of Minnesota politely declined the old trophy.

Let's get excited about the World Series!!!!!

The Major League Baseball playoffs started a month and a half ago, and will conclude in just two weeks. And there's nothing like the World Series that brings out the best in the people of New York. And poor photoshop skills.

There's nothing wrong with the New York Post stirring the pot, but the article is just terrible. If you got a group of twelve year old Yankee fans together and asked them to write about the Phillies and their fans, they would write something similar.

Frillies are coming to town!
Their fans are second-rate & so is their city
By Rich Calder, Erin Calabrese and Jeremy Olshan

First, notice that it took three writers to put this together.

Yankees fans have a message for the Phillies and their hometown: This ain't Rocky, and the underdog won't win!

Boom. Got the Rocky reference in the first sentence. Also in this sentence is the word "ain't" and an exclamation point. Good start.

"The Yankees are going to make Philly cream cheese out of them," a confident Tommy Bayiokos, 44, predicted yesterday in Midtown.

Philadelphia cream cheese reference: check

"Philly fans are a bunch of whiners and should learn how to dress. They should try reading GQ."

Tommy is more sophisticated than the people of Philadelphia. He reads GQ magazine.

Living up to their second-class billing going into the start of the Fall Classic tomorrow, the Phils arrived in New York yesterday -- by train.
The less-than-grand entrance triggered a flood of invective from the Yankee faithful.

I'm guessing if the Phils arrived on a gold-plated hovercraft they would still receive a flood of invective from the Yankee faithful. And no one in New York ever rides on trains.

"Bleacher Bums get a bad rap," said Tanner McLoud, 42, of Long Island. "But if you've ever been to the old Veterans Stadium in Philadelphia, you'd realize just how much worse Phillies fans are. "You can't go to a game without getting booze thrown at you!"

So begins the Philly-has-bad-fans narrative. Did you know they once booed Santa Claus at an Eagles game?!?!?!

Gotham has been regularly beating the pants off Philly since overtaking the one-horse town as the nation's economic capital in the early 19th century.

This would be good for Yankee fans to chant, “We’ve been regularly beating the pants off you since we overtook your one-horse town in the early 19th century and we became the nation’s economic capital!” Everybody now, “We’ve been regularly beating the pants off you since we overtook your one-horse town in the early 19th century and we became the nation’s economic capital!!!!!!!” It’s a perfect retort to “Yankees suck.”

Even Benjamin Franklin, Philly's patron saint, has been described as "the father of all the Yankees."

On the other hand, Daddy Yankee, is from Puerto Rico

[ Snip...just a bunch of other stuff about New York being bigger and having more stuff]

And don't get us started on the cuisine.

Now this is turning into a lesbian stand-up Comedian act.

Consider Philadelphia's most famous export -- other than Will Smith -- overcooked minced-meat sandwiches doused in Cheez Whiz.

"The big meal there is a steak with cheese and onions on a hero, but they don't even call it a hero. It's a hoagie. What the hell is a hoagie?" said Ron Montclane, 26.

Philly Cheesesteak reference: check.

There's a little bit more, but I've spent enough time on this. And Philly fans are obnoxious too. Wait, sorry. Philly Phans. In conclusion this World Series is going to be terrible. Here's rooting for Park Chan Ho.

Prediction: Phucking Phighting Phillies in Phive games. (actually seven)

New Twins Uniforms - The Cream and the Clear

UPDATE: Pictures from the Uniform unveiling, November 16th

Although the Minnesota Twins won't reveal their new uniforms until November 16th, Alright Hamilton has the unofficial designs TODAY. An anonymous source with knowledge of the design process has described the new duds for us. Here are our interpretations of the descriptions.

The cream colored alternate

The regular home colored uniform will not undergo extreme changes, except for an updated Twins script. However, they will introduce this cream colored alternate. Cream is so hot right now. The Giants and Padres perfected it, and the Mets are also reportedly adopting the style. The script, of course, was used from 1961 to 1971. It's not clear if this design will be worn one specific day per week, or if it will be a choice for each games starting pitcher.

The Road Gray - Pinstripe free

Using an obscure script from the 60's, the Twins have really spruced up their away uniform. We're still not sure if they'll be keeping their 'M' caps.

The Twins will also need to find room for a number of patches:

So there you have it. Hank Thoreau once explained, "things do not change; we change." And that's especially untrue in this context.

UPDATE:

From talking with a few people, some think this makes more sense as a possibility.

Note: The away cap will feature the TC logo and a red bill.

Weekend Notes

-- Can you name the World Series Champion lineups back to 1987 in 13 minutes? Of course you can't. But it's fun to try. I've tried like four times and haven't topped 160. Who the hell was on the 1988 Dodgers?!?! Seriously, screw those guys. And Scott Brosius, if you're reading this, screw you too.

-- A belated congratulations to Sultan Kosen who has been crowned the world's tallest man. The title is not without controversy, however. Leonid Stadnyk is supposedly four inches taller, but he refuses to be measured because he thinks he's too cool for the title saying, "If this title had given me more health or a few extra years, I would have taken it, but the opposite happened, I only wasted my nerve cells." Well thanks for that, Debby Downer.

Sultan, however, is pumped about the title. As he should be. He looks at this new found fame as the best way to get a GF. He says, "Hopefully now that I'm famous I'll be able to meet lots of girls." You go, Sultan. If there's one thing I know about girls it's that they love flipping through the Guinness Book of World Records looking for single men. Seriously, I heard Shridhar Chillal is married to a Laker Girl.

-- According to anthropologist and feelings-hurter Peter McAllister, the modern man is a whimp. Take it back, meany!!!!

-- We here at Alright Hamilton! feel it is our duty to warn the readers about creatures that are gunna git ya. Well, unfortunately I have some troubling gunna-git-ya news. The Montauk Monster has a Panamanian relative. And it is hideous.



So stay the hell away from Panama, and have a good weekend.

Addendum by Daymonster:
Sorry about adding on to Soups post but there were a couple of things that needed to be addressed before the start of the weekend. First, I was going to write something about my favorite website, Sporcle.com. But it seems that Soup beat me too it first.

I have been playing the quizzes on this website for a several months and they fairly recently added the ability to create your own. You can only make a few a month so here are the ones I have created so far. You should try them.

The Minnesota Twins All-Metrodome Team
The Minnesota Twins Retired Numbers
Where Minnesota Sports Teams Play

And the most fun one...
The Best Medical Device Companies based on 2008 sales figures.

That's the fun news, now here is the bad news. Turns out "Alright" is not a real word. Gasp! We should have been "All Right Hamilton!" and we should be ARH! not AH! It's one of the 32 most misused words and phrases. This news makes me so mad my head is LITERALLY exploding.