Twins Walk-up Music 2009

What's that catchy tune they're playing while Denard swaggers up to the plate? I've been trying to figure it out, but as it turns out, I'm out of touch when it comes to new music. Instead, I just e-mailed Twins audio guy Kevin Dutcher, who was kind enough to present us this list of songs he plays for each Twin. The players requested these songs, and to figure out why, we've decided to dig into the lyrics.

Denard Span - Jay-Z and T.I. - Swagga Like Us

Pertinent Lyric:
Lookin' from the surface it may seem like I got reason to be nervous
Then observe my work and see that my adversity was worth it!

Brendan Harris - Kid Rock - Bawitdaba, Linkin Park - Faint

Pertinent Lyric:
I am a little bit insecure a little unconfident
Cause you don't understand I do what I can, but sometimes I don't make sense!

(about his struggles to turn the double play)

Brian Buscher - AC/DC - Shoot to Thrill, Dierks Bentley - Lot of Leavin' to Do

Pertinent Lyric:
lovin’ me might be a long shot gamble
So before you go and turn me on
Be sure that you can turn me loose

No one's favorite Twin, and they're not afraid to turn him loose.

Joe Crede - Metallica - For Whom the Bell Tolls

Pertinent Lyric:
On the fight, for they are right? yes, by who's to say?

When Crede played for the White Sox, this must have gone through Crede's head before each game: I fight on for the White Sox, but is this right? Who is to say? *sigh* .....I should be playing for the Twins.

Carlos Gomez - Arcangel - Yo Soy el Mejor, Tito el Bambino - Reto, Wisin y Yandel - Fuera de Base, & Daddy Yankee - El Jefe

Pertinent Lyric (rough translation)
Toletera and strength as Bertrán Sosa Rabid cat, cut Mafia Of all the Latin is the most powerful In the case of malicious batting (Boom!) Cuida'o with foul

Rabid cats, malicious batting, mafia and foul balls. It makes sense to Carlos Gomez, and that makes sense to me.

Jason Kubel - Beastie Boys - Sabotage, Motley Crue - Shout at the Devil

Pertinent Lyric:
I Can't Stand Rockin' When I'm In Here 'Cause Your Crystal Ball Ain't So Crystal Clear

Yeah, this is a great song, but I'm struggling to see how it relates to Kubel. Someone sabotaged his knee in the Arizona Fall League?

Justin Morneau - AC/DC - T.N.T.

Pertinent Lyric:
On your colored TV screen

Flat screen TV's aren't really televisions at all; they're technically 'displays,' or 'monitors'

Nick Punto - MJ - Thriller

Pertinent Lyric:
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes

Noooo, not the Kinetico Water Systems Girl! AAArrgh!

Mike Redmond - Jermaine Stewart - We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off

Pertinent Lyric:
We don't have to take our clothes off
To have a good time

Naked catcher. We get it.

Delmon Young - Lil Wayne - Show Me My Opponent, Asher Roth - I Love College

Pertinent Lyric:
Pass out at 3, wake up at 10, go out to eat then do it again.

Baseball players and college students....living the life.

Michael Cuddyer - Whiskey Falls - The Champ, Goody Mob - Cutty Buddy

Pertinent Lyric:

there's always a new kid coming to town
Looking for ways to try and knock him down
They got hungry eyes and a passion that burns
Chomping at the bit to get their turn

Luckily for Cuddyer, none of the new kids will be knocking him down, because he is Gardenhire's Cutty Buddy.

Kinda obscure cartoons.

Some kinda obscure cartoons you may or may not remember.



There are shows from our childhood that everyone remembers. Who could forget when the Beagle Boys kidnapped Gyro Gearloose and used his telaportation ray to steal Uncle Scrooges money. Or when the Rescue Rangers crash landed in the BooBoo forest and they thought Dale was a god because he fell out of a flying machine. But, there are many other shows that have gone by the way side in this hustle and bustle world. With this being the last year in the Metrodome and everyone looking back over the past 20 some years, I guess it just tickled my nostalgia bone.

Street Sharks. Cashing in on the popularity of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, this show focused on 4 surfing brothers are kidnapped by the evil Dr. Paranoid and have their DNA spliced with various species of Sharks. Dr Paranoid didn't stop with just the brothers. He also made his own underlings, Slobster and Killamari (can anyone say Beebop and Rocksteady?) This show was a total rip off, and other than the names of the characters (Ripster and Big Slammu being a couple), and the fact that they literally swam though pavement to get where they were going, it offered little. They did have one of the best catch phrases though "Jawesome! To the Xtreme!"



Eek! And the Amazing Thunderlizards. This show was one of my favorites back in '93. Not because of the hapless Eek, or his fat girlfriend. But for the Thunderlizards segment. The Thunderlizards were a group of dinosaur commandos hell bent on destroying all of human kind. All 2 of them, Scooter the inventor and Bill. (How did they reproduce?) No matter how hard the Dino's tried, they could never catch the fairly dumb humans. HUMANS RULE!

Wild West C.O.W. Boys or Moo Mesa. This one was a real gem, a comet hits in the old west town of Moo Mesa, giving all the animals opposable thumbs and the ability to speak English. The C.O.W. boys (Code Of the West) were deputized by Sheriff TerriBULL-o and answered to mayor BULLoney. This show was just a walking punchline, everyone had some silly name that had something to do with cows in it. The Boys tangled with the likes of the Wild BULLies, and the Gila Hooligans, which was made up of lizards.

Battletoads. You may remember the game, but do you remember the show? It was launched as a direct competitor to TMNT, but with little success. A super scientist from space lands in California and turns 3 nerds into super fighting amphibians. (Is anyone else sensing a trend?) They must fight the evil dark queen and her beast police to protect the good princess Angelica whose amulet has the power to conquer the universe. This one didn't catch on quite like the Turtles.

Biker Mice From Mars. Trying to capture the fading glory of TMNT, Marvel comics launched this show about 3 rough and tumble brothers who while trying to escape the Plutarkians, who were greedy and ravaged their home world, crash through the score board of Wrigley field and hook up with Charly, the saucy lady mechanic who helped them fix and build new and better bikes and weapons. While this one was violent, edgy and just plain fun, it also had a message about saving the environment. And look at how bad ass they were!

The mice enjoyed a slight renaissance in the mid 2000's when the original episodes were re-aired in an attempt to stir up excitement for another run in 2006, but financing problems kept that on the back burner and when it was finally released in late 2007 it was to little fan fare. But did become a big hit in Scandinavia.

Johnny Bravo. This one isn't quite from our child hood, but it was the first cartoon, besides the Simpsons, that I could enjoy as an adult (or I thought I was an adult when I first saw it at 15). Johnny was a total square who lived with his mom and his only friend was an annoying girl scout that lived next door. But he thought he was pretty sweet. He was just a guy on a never ending quest to touch some butt. Something I can totally relate too. It was a more family friendly Family Guy in that Johnny was totally offensive if you understood his jokes, and it was just a parade of pop culture referances. And, to this day I would rather watch Johnny than Peter and the gang any day of the week.

Most of these were total rip offs, but kids are dumb and if you find something that works just pump it down their throats and they will buy all the toys and games.
There are plenty I've missed, forgotten or didn't feel were good enough to reminisce about. But I would like to hear what all of our faithful readers have to say on the subject.

Notes: condiments, roster moves, and Korean cartoons

-We are all hoping that the food at Target field will be better than the Metrodome, and I think it will be. But how can we improve the condiment selection? I have the answer, friends. I give you Squeez Bacon!

-On Friday Joe Mauer is coming baaaaaaaaack! They are shining his armor and saddling his white horse as we speak. Unfortunately this means bizmarkie507's man crush, Jose Morales, will be sent back down to his natural habitat in Rochester. He's leading the team in average, OBP, and a very impressive line drive percentage (32.1%), but his demotion is really the only move the team can make.

Despite Morales' lack of defensive deftness, I'm sure a handful of Major League teams would take him over their starting catcher right now. He has hit .322 in his last 611 ABs between AAA and the Majors. So, hopefully he'll still get some time with the big league club this season. He's done a nice job as the third catcher -- filling the huge shoes left by Chris Heintz.

-19th century baseball stat of the day: In 1875 Al Spalding's win-loss record was 55-5. Years later Spalding's sneaker, "Hakeem the Dream" was invented. The rest is history.

-Jaun Morillo is fascinating to watch. Obviously he throws really hard, but everyone watching him, including himself, has no idea where the ball is going to go. I'm not sure I have seen this from a Twins pitcher before. When Morillo pitches the catcher just puts his glove in the exact middle of the strike zone every time and hopes he can get close. Very entertaining.

Sure, he has a 22.50 ERA, but it's a low 22.50. It's really more like a 22.49 if you think about. Plus it's kind of fun to say "Morillo." If middle-school-me (who based pitching ability exclusively on velocity) were writing this, he would tell you that the Twins should keep the flamethrower when Jesse Crain comes back and send down R.A. Dickey. Then middle-school-me would laugh about writing "Dickey."

-Let's play a game I like to call Create-a-Translation. The real translation is funny in its own right, and I'll post it later, but let's dust off our Korean dictionaries and give it a shot.

Here's mine:

Dimitri: Brother, your tendency to ground ball has brought the shame of a thousand broken waterfalls to our family

Delmon: Brother Meathook, your talk gives me the many angers! Let this bat break with violence to show the feelings in me!

Give it a try. It's fun.

Actual Translation:

Dimitri: “Because your face looks exactly like mine, you will be a great star!!”

Delmon: “No! My appearance is not like that!!!”

“DNA can’t be cheated!!”

“Po-jik” (Korean breaking sound)

Caption: “Purveyor of dirty personality!!”

A Quick Q & A with Batting Stance Guy

If you haven't heard of Batting Stance Guy yet, you need to stop whatever it is that you are doing right now, and either check out his website or his YouTube page. Go ahead, I'll wait...

Okay, are you back? Good. How awesome is that, right? I know, it's great.
Where was I? Oh yeah, Batting Stance Guy, or BSG as the cool kids say, has been making the rounds all over major league baseball. He's been on the MLB Network, ESPN's E:60, and interviewed by the New York Times.

Alright Hamilton! got the chance to sit down with BSG. Well, we didn't get to literally sit down with him, but through the magic of the interwebs he did answer a few questions for us. Since BSG is a man in high demand these days, we decided to not ask the basic background questions, if you want to know those check out the NYT article and this one from Ball Hype.

Let's get it started.

AH: First and foremost, are you good at baseball?
BSG: Well, high school varsity was 1/2 my life ago. Better than people that stink.

AH: Whose stance does your "real stance" most resemble?
BSG: Ryne Sandberg

AH: Did you come up with the name "Batting Stance Guy," or how did that come about?
BSG: Once Bill Simmons ran it on his page for a few weeks a friend said, you should get battingstanceguy.com or something. Done. Thanks Jeff Hetschel.

AH: What would you be doing right now if YouTube didn't exist?
BSG: wow- that really made the difference. uhhh, not having MLB players introducing themselves to me, that's for sure. Not being in slo-mo on ESPN, and not studying Denard Span as closely.



AH: You always seem to have your black whiffle ball bat, how many of those do you have?, do you use a new one for every video?
BSG: Bought a lot of 6 on ebay. knew we'd need to break one in half for the Bo Jackson installment of the Royals video. I guess we didn't have enough left over for the Chili Davis strikeout bat breaking tantrum.

AH: I saw somewhere that you said your favorite team was the "Hrbek Twins," why the Twins and why Hrbek?
BSG: Somehow he became my favorite player in 83-84. I played firstbase and wore 14. Now, I wasn't into Pro Wrestling and didn't name my wrestling alter-ego T-Rex, but thought he was cool. Also- one of the first games I ever attended was at the old Metropolitan Stadium.

AH: Which Hrbek Twins team was your favorite the Hrbek and Gary Ward Twins or the Hrbek and Shane Mack Twins?
BSG: Love the baby blue road jerseys and the TC hats....but the Shane Mack era for sure.

AH: I know it's been talked about, but have you been approached by 2K sports or anybody about doing motion capture for future MLB video games?
BSG: Sony Playstation had me do the motion capturing for MLB '09 The Show. So, in the game, if Aki Iwamura appears to have the skills of a 35 year old college intramural softball player... well...

AH: Speaking of monetizing this "least marketable skill", have you thought of doing your videos in front of a wall with advertisements or anything?
BSG: A good idea. We've tried to have this whole thing be really organic and not become work or burdensome, so everything we've done has been solicited by others. The Twins, Dodgers, Brewers, Angels, Red Sox and Padres all contacted us. MLB Network, ESPN, Fox, Sony, Steiner Sports, Yardbarker & the NYTimes all approached us. Meaning we haven't tried to "milk" this thing for all we can. Trying to have fun with it and go with the opportunities that are presented.

AH: Has anyone ever asked you to imitate their kid's little league stance? I know one of our contributors, Haas, said he would give you a Cristian Guzman ball to imitate him.
BSG: Nice. Once I had a girl in a group ask for a bunch of old Brewers and when I did the requested Jim Gantner they all died laughing because the requester is Gantner's daughter. Hey, let's go Haas.

AH: Have you ever had requests for a players batting stance imitation that you've never heard of?
BSG: Usually, it's some dude saying John McDowell. I say, Don't know him...then the dudes boasts, "HaHa I stumped you! It's my cousin, he's in the Indians farm system." Uh, yeah dude, not really up to speed with the minors.

Hanging with Carlos Quentin, Dexter Fowler, Ryan Zimmerman, Mike Fontenot- they all asked for Jeff Larish and I hadn't seen him yet. He's a great one- dead still.

AH: You've been to every ballpark in Major league baseball. Do you remember the game at the dome and What did you think of it?
BSG: Well, I love it for the 87 & 91 series. The Puckett seat being a different color is great. Personally, I'll always vote for an outdoor stadium. I've probably seen 4 games there.

AH: Do you have any plans to visit the new Target field next year?
BSG: Love to. Remember, all this BSG stuff is just a ploy to get invited to Hrbek's 50th birthday next year.

AH: What were your favorite ball parks and what made them great?
BSG: Wrigley and Fenway for their classic nature. AT&T Park for its beauty. It is unbelievable.
Kaufman reminds me of my Little League field (hills, roads, trees, crowd size).

AH: Be honest, how many Batting Stance Guy Tote Bags have you sold?
BSG: The same number of times you've been to Anoka or Coon Rapids to meet girls.......dozens.

AH: Ron Coomer didn't seem too impressed with your interpretation of his stance, but most of the players seem to like it; have you ran into anyone that took offense to your impression of their batting stance?
BSG: Yesterday in the San Jose Mercury News this was written:

This has been viewed by virtually everyone in the Giants clubhouse, and his Rich Aurilia at the end gets the biggest laughs – except from Aurilia.
“It blows,” Aurilia said. “Everybody else gets a hit but I strike out.”

AH: You've been making the rounds to a lot of big league locker rooms, what team has been the best to be around?
BSG: Still surprised by the "what up" hug from Big Papi and 30 minute conversation with Kevin Youkilis. The Sox were great, but I met almost every Angel last year.

AH: What team sucked the most?
BSG: I had a really awkward conversation with Josh Beckett.

AH: You've been on ESPN and interviewed by the New York Times, besides us at Alright Hamilton!, what has been the best interview, video shoot etc, you have experienced so far?
BSG: Hanging with Papi, Youkilis, Pedroia, etc. was surreal. The MLB Network Reds piece with Barry Larkin & Sean Casey got the best response.

AH: Okay, last question, if your videos had a sound track what would it be?
BSG: Super Mario Bros. Something intrinsically uncool, yet, loaded with nostalgia and you find yourself humming it for years, while laughing.

AH: Thanks for taking the time to answer our questions.
BSG: No problem.

If you can't get enough of BSG, like us at AH! you can follow him on twitter or at his website.

Target Field is really coming together

New Yankee Stadium opened last week to mixed reviews and expensive seats. The $1.5 billion stadium fits the Yankees perfectly: expensive, manicured, snooty; but ultimately, not that great. It's gotten a lot of bad publicity for it's extravagance, expensive seats, obstructed views and it's utter sameness to old Yankee Stadium.

When Target Field opens in a year, it will surely get less national attention, but the reviews will be better. Like the Twins team, Target Field will be cheap, small and awesome.


Other stuff of note:

- The Twins are working with Hormel to develop some sort of replacement for the beloved Dome Dog.

- They'll start installing seats in less than a month.

- Grass will be planted in September.

- I'm dreading the possibility of a large Target brand target in the outfield, but excited that I'll have a chance to win some money if a player hits it.

- The plaza has been redesigned, with small canopies to mirror the large one atop TF. It also has baseball bat-shaped planters with hops growing in it. Seems like a crowded place.


The Thing About The Roof:

Some people will still tell you that the Twins screwed up by not putting a roof on their new stadium. Here are five easy steps to telling those people that they're idiots:

1. A roof would have added another 200 million dollars to the cost of the stadium. The Twins had tried for ten years to get funding for a retractable roof stadium, to no avail. They took the roof out of the plans, and they almost immediately got their public financing.

2. There were three principal architecture firms bidding for the stadium project. Two of them dropped out when they saw the site on which it would be built. All of them would have dropped out had they needed to include a retractable roof, because it wouldn't be able to fit.

3. The Twins won't open the season in early April at home. They won't play many April home games at night either. Yes, there will be some rainouts, but so what? And a roof wouldn't help with the cold weather, as it wouldn't have a heating system.

4. Roofs are ugly. At Miller Park, one feels inside even when the roof is open.

5. Quit being a wuss.

Cat at Wrigley Field

So, I was at the Cubs game last night. It was my first time on a rooftop and it was a delightful experience. I have been to many Cubs games in the past and I actually think I prefer the rooftop over several sections inside the ball park. The rooftop I was on had three levels:

The lowest level had large, floor to ceiling windows that could be opened in the summer. From here you could see about 70% of the field. (the right field wall and foul line were blocked by the stadium itself) On this level they had a buffet with mashed potatos, turkey, chicken wings etc. and a bar).

On the second level was half outside half inside with heaters on the ceiling where you could get hot dogs, brats, pizza, ice cream etc. There was also another bar on this level but it was not open because of the cold weather and the lack of people.

On the third level was where the actually stadium seating was. There was a third bar at the top of this area that was covered and had propane heaters. There are TVs all over the rooftop including ones you can see from the stadium seats, as well as the WGN radio broadcast of the game being played through speakers all over.

But the real excitment came in the fourth inning when a cat ran out on to the field.



There was a collective gasp as the guy picked up the cat by the tail and just dropped him in the stands.

Everyone I was with had a theory of how the cat got onto the field. Almost everyone but me thought someone brought it into the stadium. But who holds on to a cat for four innings and doesn't get spotted throwing a cat onto the field from 15 feet up. Plus they would have to be in the front row of the bleachers, meaning they would have to have gotten to Wrigley 1-2 hrs in advance of when they open the field up so that means they have been with a cat in their jacket for close to 5 hours. Unlikely.

My theory is that it climbed into the stadium at some other point and had been chilling in the bleacher area for a while. Decided it wanted to check out the cubs dugout and catch those rats Ozzie is always talking about, and made a break for it?

Anyone else see this? Any theories?

An important message from Joe Mays

Hi folks, Joe Mays here. I have something really important I want to talk you about. Every year thousands of motorists cause accidents by driving while talking on their cells phones. This is just plain dumb. You are not only a hazard to yourself, but a hazard to others. I didn't make it to the 2001 all-star game by driving and dialing. So be smart and...

...Oh, hello

WHAT TH...



*gurgle*

Hellllllo. It's me! The Kinetico Water Systems girl! You might recognize me from the advertisement on the backstop of the Metrodome during the 7th inning.

Boy, sure is unfortunate what happened to Joe Mays just now. I just don't know how he accidentally thrust his neck on to my scissors seven times. Truly unfortunate.

Anyway, watcha doin? You want some water? Do you? DO YOU? good I have some for you. I ran out of regular water bottles so I had to put the water in this bottle of Drano. Also, it looks and tastes like Drano. But that's because it's magic water! It will make you stong. Don't you wanna be strong? DON'T YOU?

Fine, don't have any of my water. Malachi is going to be very disappointed in me.