Flag Day, name pronunciation, and other weekend notes

As you probably know, Sunday was Flag Day. I can't think of a better way to honor flag day than to watch a video of Rick Monday stopping a flag burning at center field of Dodger Stadium with Tommy Lasorda yelling expletives and with Vin Scully doing the play-by-play of the events.

I bet Tommy Lasorda knows a lot of expletives. Go America.

A .500 road trip is certainly an improvement. Mike Redmond was optimistic. But I'm going to guess that he was riding home commando either way.

Our bullpen has actually been pitching a little better lately. Every pitcher in our pen has a sub 4.00 ERA. Wait. Except Jesse Crain. His ERA? 8.15. If you were to make a Western movie about him it would be called "8.15 to Yusuck." I'm not saying we cut the guy, but he has no business pitching in a close game right now. Mijares should have been pitching yesterday.

I watch games on MLB.TV, so I always get the broadcast of the home team. Whenever we play a National League team I am always curious how many names of little known Twins will they mispronounce. But the Cubs crew did a pretty good job. There were no Punt Os, KuBELLS, or Booshers playing for the Twins this weekend.

And I know it's a bit hypocritical to rag on other announcers when they mispronounce Twins names when we have Bert Blyleven in our booth. While I understand how others find Bert's mispronunciation of names annoying, I find it wildly amusing.

Endy Chavez? Bert knows not of this name, "Endy." Bert knows the name "Eddie." Eddie Chavez it is.

And while I think it's funny when Bert pronounces names wrong, it's very irritating when Jon Miller pronounces names "correctly." That's fine if you want to enunciate a different syllable to make a Latin name more Latin, but you don't have to shout the "tran" in Carlos BeTRAN to make your point. It's a little pretentious and a lot annoying.

Speaking of pretentious name pronunciation, look who it is?


It's Dr. H.P. Whitt, my Intro to Sociologist professor! He too took great pride in pronouncing names in their native tongue. His pronunciation of Johan Peter Süssmilch was a class favorite.

Is President Obama's SCOTUS pick pronounced SOtomayor or SotomaYOR? Either way, with four long vowels in the name, it is going to take Northern Minnesotans about 20 seconds to say her name.

NPR is also really good at making me feel like an idiot by pronouncing names more properly than I. Sometimes it's just normal English words. Like the word "robots." They were doing a story on robots, which immediately got my attention, and the guy kept saying "robuts." Seriously, "robuts"? What a prick.

Anyway, back to some less grouchy stuff. It seems like Twins fans really traveled well to Wrigley. I pretty sure there were some Hammies that went to the game. Oh, by the way, "Hammies" is a name that I invented to describe those people that read and contribute to Alright Hamilton. Cool, huh? Wait, you think it's lame? Yeah, you're right. Nevermind. Anyway, any good Wrigley stories?

I've been kind of fearing that Joe Mauer might cool down a bit. Well, he hasn't. And it's awesome. The Korean pop sensation, The Wonder Girls, even wrote a song about Joe's torrid May and June. I don't have the full translation but it's something like: "I'm Joe Mauer and I'm so hot. At baseball and face looking sexy. Sideburns very much. Too easy with making hits."

Twins - 7 Cubs - 4... UPDATE

One down, two to go. I know there are a few AH! contributors going to be in Chicago this weekend, anybody else?

UPDATE: 2 down, 1 to go...

UPDATE 2: Okay, it was close, but 2 out of 3 ain't bad.

Uniforms and everything: Stallions Baseball

"Yup, we've got uniforms and everything. It's really great!"
- Jake Taylor, Major League

With no formal baseball training, and a severe hangover handicap, the Stallions still manage to trot out a determined, joyful team every Sunday afternoon. They're participating in something purely American: playing baseball on green grass under a blue sky - not for money or personal accolades, but for the love of the game. The members of this team are part of a growing number of twenty-something athletes who are rediscovering their love of baseball, while rejecting the idea of softball all together. "It seems like most guys our age just drink beer and play softball. I think if you're able to play hardball, you should," explains pitcher Mark Waters. The Stallions evolved from very informal sandlot games to a raggedy gang of rejects playing in the only organization that would accept them - the Northfield Latino Baseball League.

While the participants insist this is a far better option than beer-league softball, this form of baseball is not without it's faults. When the Stallions recently lost a game on a dropped (very) foul pop, it illustrated two problems that plague the NLBL - umpiring and facilities. First, the green diamonds on which the teams compete are often less than adequate. Two hours before the game, manager Michael Anderson can be found at the local grocery store buying chalk for the baselines: a bag of flour, which apparently is also a great alternative to diamond-dry. On his way to meet the rest of the team, he'll stop, begrudgingly, at a softball field. Throwing the softball bases into his truck, Anderson quips, "I had two stolen bases before the game even started."

Forever in the shadow of softball, the Stallions once had to play on an old softball field. With a sandy mound, an all skin infield and questionable dimensions, the Albert Lea field is far and away provides the worst facilities in the league. The infield was forced to play in all afternoon, because there was a lip where the dirt turned to grass, about 95 feet from home plate. The dandelions flew that day, but alas, the Stallions lost.

Then there are the umpires. The umpires in the NLBL aren't umpires until someone yells at them, "hey, wanna ump?" It is a rare occasion when the ump knows all the rules of the game. Of course, there is always a language barrier, as illustrated by right-fielder Kyle Fredrickson's mistaken belief that 'tiempo' meant 'strike'. Manager Anderson, who is particularly disgusted with the performance of the umpires, issued the following statement: "Hey look it's big foot. Or wait, it's the Loch Ness monster. Oh wait, it's a good ump in the Mexican League."

From the Majors to the NLBL, there are a set of unwritten rules and codes of conduct. They are enforced only by saying this magical phrase: "That's Bush League." This code of conduct is somewhat more flexible for the Stallions, for when a teammate does something deemed "bush" and is called out, he simply retorts, "This is the Bush League!"

Indeed, it is the Bush League, but it's better than softball.

Oakland A's not so sure this steroid testing is such a good idea

They were having so much fun before the MLB went all party-pooper and changed the steroid testing policy in 2005. :( From 1999-2005 the club had a .581 winning percentage, four playoff appearances and three division championships. Sure beats the previous six years in which they posted a .445 winning percentage with four last place finishes.

Of course, we have all heard the story on why this transformation took place. Billy Beane out-smarted everyone by using geeky statistics! Take that, Baseball Establishment!!!!

And Beane does deserve a lot of the credit. Whenever you make decisions with better information than other people, you are going to have an advantage...but also, steroids.

You see, Jason Giambi and Miguel Tejada were Oakland's best players during the boom years. Also, they loved themselves some steroids.

From 1999-2001 Giambi averaged 127 RBI a year. He had an OPS+ of 153 in '99 and led the league the next two years in that category with 187 in '00 and 198 in '01. He won the MVP in 2000 and placed second in 2001

From 1999 to 2003 Tejada averaged 110 RBI a season. That's higher than every shortstop in baseball not named Alex Rodriguez. He won the 2002 MVP.

So yeah, (A x B)/ C

...Then steroids.

And the A's have been good at steroids years before Beane ascended to GM. Remember the Bash Brothers?

No, not those Bash Brothers. These Bash Brothers

How cool were they? Mullets. Cool sun glasses. Home Runs. That's the awesome trifecta right there. They probably dated a bunch of bikini babes too. Bastards.

And those bats are their actual game bats. They didn't have photoshop back then so they have to be the real thing.

So, the A's are probably the best team ever at steroids. The Twins, however? Yeah, we suck at it. Juan Rincon? That's it?

Totally Random Pictures Found On My Computer

At the time, we all thought Albert Pujols had ruined Brad Lidge's career and launched the Cards to the World Series. Not quite.

Graphic that I made for local legends, Tail Chaser.

Gladden. One day, this will be on a shirt.

Is this advice or humor?

Dollar Dog night at the Dome? Keen!

5 blog points: name that stadium

Nip it.

One of the easiest ways to tell if the baseball crowd is worth it's salt: clapping when there's two strikes.

The iconic image of the Zombie Turtle Liker

Found on www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com

Sometimes people bring beach balls to the Metrodome

Isn't that fun?!?! I know my two year old nephew loves hitting beach balls up in the air.

...Then he bangs a fork on the table and poops his pants...because he is a small child. Apparently those that bring beach balls to baseball games are like-minded.

I really do not get these people. I mean, the wave and throwing program paper airplanes are similarly infantile. But these acts of baseball malfeasance are acts of passion. Kids get bored and make paper airplanes. Teenage boys crave attention and try to start the wave. But bringing a beach ball to a baseball game with the intent to inflate? Well, that shit is premeditated.

Let me tell you a story of a time when Iwitnessed the complete life of a beach ball at the Metrodome. There was a beach ball in play. I don't remember if I audibly expressed annoyance, but I tried to ignore the oohs, awes, and drools, of those fascinated by a colorful sphere that moved clunkily about the crowd. Of course, a usher confiscated the ball, dumb people booed, and I was thankful. Then something inexplicable happened.

There was a couple two rows in front of me. They seemed like a very normal late-twenties or early-thirties Minnesota couple. They were both wearing ordinary jeans and Twins jersey T-shirts. I don't remember which players they were wearing, but because this is my story and you won't know the difference if I lie -- let's say she was wearing a Punto and he was wearing a Radke. They seemed like those kind of people. Oh, and he was probably wearing one of those Dairy Queen give-away hats with the Velcro strap in the back.

Then, before my very eyes, The guy suddenly pulls a deflated beach ball out of his pocket, blows it up, and hits it into the upper general crowd. She smiles him on approvingly.

The most troubling thing about this is that it had to be planned out. Maybe one of them had a beach ball readily available in his or her residence, but or more plausibly, he or she had to go to a store that sells beach balls and actually pay money for one. I imagine their conversation for a beach-ball-at-a-baseball-game went something like this.

Brian: Hey honey. I got to take a little detour. Daddy's got to make a stop.
Nikki: why?
Brian: You'll see
(Brian comes out of the dollar store.)
Niki: what did you get?
Brian: A little something I like to call a "beach ball" BOOYAH!
Niki: You so crazy, Brian
Brian: Hey baby, I just like to have fun.
(Brian and Niki tongue kiss for a few minutes)
Niki: This is gunna be a hoot...beach ball...at a baseball game...I tell, ya.

So, here's hoping Target Field will be a place where people go to ball park to watch baseball. We don't need slides or swimming pools or picnic areas or human waves or beach balls. We just need baseball.

Twins Inbox: Decent Questions, Dumb Answers

The Twins Mailbag, a longtime staple of the official Twins website, was recently renamed The Twins Inbox.

Now that the questions are emailed, it's filtered out some of the nutball cabin dweller shut-ins from up north who pace around muttering, "why don't they sign Barry Bonds."

Let's take a look at some Very Important Questions that were recently fielded by MLB writer Kelly Thesier.

I was wondering what the progress is on Boof Bonser and Pat Neshek? Any hopes that they'll be ready to pitch in the 2010 season?
-- Conni C., Ramsey, Minn

Let me answer your question with another question: Any hopes that they'll be ready to play shortstop in the 2009 season?


With the difficulties the bullpen has seen and with our young staff, would a six-man starting rotation help the Twins to give everyone rest rather than moving Anthony Swarzak to the 'pen? I think it would allow our starters to throw more pitches and possibly take a bit of load off the 'pen. What do you think?
-- David C., Minneapolis

Wow. Revolutionary. Better forward this one straight to Gardy. Apply the same idea to beer and start making 7-packs. Actually, that's not a bad idea. You should email Budweiser.

Why has Joe Mauer been hitting so many more home runs this year?
-- Tyler T., Minneapolis

Robby Incmikoski.

Will the Twins ever use Joe Nathan in a more extensive pitching role? There have been games when it is tied in the eighth inning, and the bullpen comes in and loses the game for us. I'm curious as to the logic behind saving Nathan only for save situations.
-- Shannon S., Minneapolis

Maybe he should start some games. The Twins could go to a 7-man pitching rotation, which would really take some stress off of our 'pen and young rotation.

Each starter could pitch on their favorite day of the week, adding comfort and stability. Like a mattress.

Do you think the Twins will re-sign Mauer, and if they do, will it be a long-term contract or a short-term contract?
-- Danny V., Lake City, Minn

Mauer's contract is up after the 2010 season. The Twins will have to weigh their options carefully. If the Twins explore the trade market, it's possible they could receive a nice package from another team. Remember, they've had great success trading talent to larger markets, acquiring impact players like Delmon Young and Carlos Gomez. If they were in a position to trade Mauer, they could scoff at some decent offers, get lowballed, then forced to make a trade for some bad prospects and one major leaguer who isn't even their top prospect and will under acheive, well, they'd certainly take a look.

When is Gardy going to abandon the 100-pitch count?
-- Bill M., Bismarck, N.D.

When he adopts the six-man pitching rotation.